A Very Special Party

Tuesday afternoon was truly memorable. The parents of one of the Soldiers from my former platoon who was killed in the IED on 5 November 2007, held a party for the MP platoon, and the father of one of the other Soldiers also came.I was nervous about them coming because I wasn't sure about how things would go. It turned out to be one of the most meaningful afternoons I have ever had.
It is hard to celebrate being home when you don't bring everyone home with you. Guilt is something I've struggled with a lot in the past year and a half. I've second guessed every decision I made that I thought contributed to those Soldiers being there on that day at that time. My mind has raced a million times through the possibility that I could have somehow prevented it. Even to this day, there are nights I wake up reliving the moment I found out about the accident. Because of the guilt I felt, I was worried that they would also blame me in the way that I blamed myself.
Instead, it felt like spending time with long lost family. It was an opportunity to share all the stories and memories that all of us had of the ones we lost. I felt closer to having them back than I ever have. We smiled, we laughed, we shed tears, but most of all we celebrated their lives rather than focusing on mourning their loss. I can't even begin to put into words how wonderful the afternoon was. It opened some of the emotional scars that I've carried with me since last November, but in a good way, and one that let me heal.
There are few opportunities in life when we get to feel the direct healing impact of grace in our lives. I know that happened to me on Tuesday.

So Tired of Cold

Temperatures really are crazy things. Last summer I felt like I was going to melt anytime I stepped outside into the 120 degree temperatures, and I dreamed of snow. This morning, driving to work at -14 degrees, I thought longingly of the desert sun. Obviously too much of anything isn't a good thing. Let me describe the cold here in terms that are more understandable: 1)the bottom of the door panel on my car cracked and has a hole in it from freezing, 2)the carpet mat is frozen in my car from the snow that melts when the heat finally kicks in, and 3)if I close my eyes for more than a few seconds, they can freeze shut. It's downright painful.

And when it warms up to reasonable temperatures (anything on the plus side of zero), we have a ridiculous amount of snow. Parking lots are covered with mini-glaciers, and able to accomodate about half their usual capacity because there is just nowhere to put the snow. In front of my apartment, my neighbor parks in what is usually my space because hers is a mini-mountain of snow. We had snow for 7 days straight and it was to the point that I wanted to cry when I saw the first flake of the day, because I knew that it would mean anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour plus of shoveling after I returned home.