Okay, so we've only been over here since last Thursday, and it's Monday evening. That's not nearly enough time to be as exhausted and frustrated as I am right now.
I was told Friday morning that I would have to run the Battalion machine gun range Sunday and Monday, and that we'd basically be testing all of the weapons to make sure that they weren't damaged in shipping. No worry about trying to qualify anyone, so it should have been relatively painless except that it ended up a nightmare.
To begin with, we're not on computer networks with email and whatnot here, so I received chicken scratch lists from every one of companies for who was supposed to be going to the range. I had to enter all of it by hand into my computer in order to turn in all the necessary paperwork. That took hours by the time everything was rounded up and I finally got it from the other companies. Then on Sunday morning, we get all the way out to the range an hour late because my NCOIC took a wrong turn and wouldn't listen to me on where to turn because he said his GPS told him I was giving him the wrong directions. Of course, every hour later in the morning here is critical because the temperature starts rising dramatically as soon as the sun comes up. So now worrries, we should still be finished by 0800 or so, except that when I give one of the NCOs the breakdown for the ammo, she goes to the back of the truck and then comes back and tells me there's no ammo. This despite the fact that I looked my NCOIC (not one of my MPs) in the face and asked him if he had picked up the ammo the night before. So he ended up having to go back to the Camp to get ammo, and it was over 3.5 hours before he got back out with ammo.
Of course when I got back, I am now the butt of the biggest joke in the Battalion... "hey CPT Ritchey, don't you know it takes ammo to run a range?" The range went much more smoothly this morning and we were done firing by 0715 instead of starting firing around 1030 like we did yesterday. So everyone was all like, "see how much easier it is when you have ammo?" Something tells me I'm not going to hear the end of this anytime soon.
In the course of Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, I had about a grand total of 4.5 hours of sleep and about 4 meals. Needless to say I'm not really feeling the best right now, but I did get a nap finally this afternoon and even got to eat dinner (meal #1 for the day).
Monday, September 10, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
Sand and Sweat
We landed in Kuwait yesterday morning. It was 0650 when they cracked the door to the plane and the hot air rushed through like a wall. It was immediately apparent that we were somewhere far different from Ft. Drum. After 14 hours on a plane with only a 1 hour break in Leipzig, Germany, the chance to get up and move around felt amazing even if overly hot.
When we stepped out at noon at Camp Buering, the wind had picked up something awful, and all of a sudden the heat was at least 120 and sand was instantly in every orifice. I could feel the sweat just pouring out of my body except that because of the wind and the heat, it evaportated everywhere except under my hat and around my sports bra.
Today was spent blissfully trying to catch up on my sleep deficit, and I managed to sleep pretty much until lunch time when I decided that I couldn't really survive on water alone and some food would probably be a good idea. Luckily the DFAC here is a step up from what we had in Bagram (to include real silverware and plates). A few meetings and some classes this afternoon and then the upcoming week is going to be hellacious. Pretty much I'll be spending a lot more time in the Kuwaiti desert than I care to contemplate at this point.
When we stepped out at noon at Camp Buering, the wind had picked up something awful, and all of a sudden the heat was at least 120 and sand was instantly in every orifice. I could feel the sweat just pouring out of my body except that because of the wind and the heat, it evaportated everywhere except under my hat and around my sports bra.
Today was spent blissfully trying to catch up on my sleep deficit, and I managed to sleep pretty much until lunch time when I decided that I couldn't really survive on water alone and some food would probably be a good idea. Luckily the DFAC here is a step up from what we had in Bagram (to include real silverware and plates). A few meetings and some classes this afternoon and then the upcoming week is going to be hellacious. Pretty much I'll be spending a lot more time in the Kuwaiti desert than I care to contemplate at this point.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Not Too Long Now
Well sometime next week I'll be winging my way across the Atlantic enroute to Kuwait enroute to Iraq. Joy. We're expecting 15 months, but of course the volatility of the political situation there and here will determine just how long we're over there.
This deployment is hitting me a lot harder than my last one. Maybe it's because I know how long the days are, how worn down you get, and the completely alternate reality that envelopes your life when you're living the Army 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
I'm not sure when I'll be on myspace or facebook once I get over there, but I'll try to respond to anyone who hits me up on my email.
I'm well and truly on an emotional roller coaster over the next few days, here's hoping that I'll calm down once we actually get in country. Please keep me in your prayers if you're a religious type, I could definitely use them.
This deployment is hitting me a lot harder than my last one. Maybe it's because I know how long the days are, how worn down you get, and the completely alternate reality that envelopes your life when you're living the Army 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
I'm not sure when I'll be on myspace or facebook once I get over there, but I'll try to respond to anyone who hits me up on my email.
I'm well and truly on an emotional roller coaster over the next few days, here's hoping that I'll calm down once we actually get in country. Please keep me in your prayers if you're a religious type, I could definitely use them.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Getting Short
We started our block leave today. It's really starting to hit home that we're leaving fairly soon. Like in just a little over a month, crazy. Especially looking at our deployment orders and seeing the length of time as 485 days or 16 months, eeeekkk!!
Brandon came up to visit me this week and it's been great having him here. He's cooked more in my apartment in one week than I typically cook in a month or two. It was great coming home from work and having food almost ready. Pretty sweet, too bad he has to go to air assualt next week, I'd keep him around just for the cooking.
Brandon came up to visit me this week and it's been great having him here. He's cooked more in my apartment in one week than I typically cook in a month or two. It was great coming home from work and having food almost ready. Pretty sweet, too bad he has to go to air assualt next week, I'd keep him around just for the cooking.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Visiting Arlington
I spent the 4 day weekend in Washington DC with the other two platoon leaders in my company. It was a bit of a long drive for a short weekend, but I'm glad I went, especially since it allowed me the opportunity to visit one of our classmates who is buried in Arlington.
Sadly, all of us knew someone who was buried in Arlington, but I suppose that more and more, that is not such an unusual occurrence for members of our generation serving in the military, everyone has lost a friend, classmate or someone else with a connection that hits home.
We watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and I think that all of us noted how glad we were for the advances in DNA identification that should prevent any of our service members from ever being unknown in the future. From there we wandered thru the peaceful paths thru the cemetary until we made our way over to section 60, which has the most recent burials, and is home to the majority of the OIF/OEF casualties. In this section, fresh cut flowers were prevalent, and there were quite a few people paying their regards. Thankfully there was not a funeral going on, I don't think I could have handled it.
I found the burial marker for my classmate, and stood there reflecting on the man who I did not know as well as some, but knew better than some of the other classmates we have lost in the war. We were in the same Buckner platoon, and it was mostly his antics and the easy leadership he demonstrated even at that early stage of his cadet career that I remembered. I stood there, sang the Alma Mater quietly under my breath, and saluting at "Well Done," hoped that we could all be worthy of his sacrifice, and the sacrifice of all those other men and women buried there.
Sadly, all of us knew someone who was buried in Arlington, but I suppose that more and more, that is not such an unusual occurrence for members of our generation serving in the military, everyone has lost a friend, classmate or someone else with a connection that hits home.
We watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and I think that all of us noted how glad we were for the advances in DNA identification that should prevent any of our service members from ever being unknown in the future. From there we wandered thru the peaceful paths thru the cemetary until we made our way over to section 60, which has the most recent burials, and is home to the majority of the OIF/OEF casualties. In this section, fresh cut flowers were prevalent, and there were quite a few people paying their regards. Thankfully there was not a funeral going on, I don't think I could have handled it.
I found the burial marker for my classmate, and stood there reflecting on the man who I did not know as well as some, but knew better than some of the other classmates we have lost in the war. We were in the same Buckner platoon, and it was mostly his antics and the easy leadership he demonstrated even at that early stage of his cadet career that I remembered. I stood there, sang the Alma Mater quietly under my breath, and saluting at "Well Done," hoped that we could all be worthy of his sacrifice, and the sacrifice of all those other men and women buried there.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Ups and Downs
It seems that life is bound to continue as a roller coaster. Take Tuesday for example, we got the excellent news that USMA '04 will pin on CPT July 1st, so less than 3 weeks of having to respond to LT. And then, within a few hours of finding out, I was stuck trying to scramble to arrange training for my platoon because the land we were supposed to have for training fell through. And of course it was impossible to get a straight answer on why everything fell through.
I wasn't even going to be at work this week, but with all of the ridiculous changes that occurred in such a short time I'm glad that I did. Of course it makes for a lot of travelling this week, since I drove all the way from home back out to NY last Sunday, and I'm sitting at the airport in Syracuse waiting to fly home tonight so that I'll be there for Mom's surgery tomorrow. I've been home more in the last month since she found out about the cancer than I have in the last 3 years.
I wasn't even going to be at work this week, but with all of the ridiculous changes that occurred in such a short time I'm glad that I did. Of course it makes for a lot of travelling this week, since I drove all the way from home back out to NY last Sunday, and I'm sitting at the airport in Syracuse waiting to fly home tonight so that I'll be there for Mom's surgery tomorrow. I've been home more in the last month since she found out about the cancer than I have in the last 3 years.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
How the Hairdresser Caused My Sunburn
So it's been awhile since I colored my hair, I think it was either January or February when I had it done last, and the whites were beginning to show like crazy if I wore my hair down. Not wanting to feel older than my 25 years, I decided that it was finally time for me to get it colored and a 4 day weekend meant that I had ample opportunity to do so. Especially considering that I had a formation at 0700 that morning, and since I was already over by the PX after picking one of my Soldiers up from the MP station (don't ask).
The girl cutting my hair seemed to understand what I wanted when I said that I wanted to keep the base color the same, but warm up the highlights a bit since it is summer and I wanted to look a bit more seasonal. So imagine my shock when I'm done, and my hair is now somewhere near the shade of what happens when you take a bottle of Sun-In and a hair dryer. It was definitely a shock, and definitely not what I asked for. I decided that I'd play along though and see if it grew on me - judging from the comments I got at work today asking how long I'd spent in a pool full of chlorine, the general concensus is that no, it hasn't grown on me. However, when it's down and straightened it's not too bad, it's just very bright when pulled back into a work-approved style.
In my wisdom, I decided that part of the reason the hair color looked so shocking was because of how pale I was, which obviously necessitated a trip to the fake and bake. I only went for 10 minutes, but the brand new bulbs in the tanning bed left me resembling a lobster. Of course, I choose to blame the girl who colored my hair. She gave me the suburn, or at least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
The girl cutting my hair seemed to understand what I wanted when I said that I wanted to keep the base color the same, but warm up the highlights a bit since it is summer and I wanted to look a bit more seasonal. So imagine my shock when I'm done, and my hair is now somewhere near the shade of what happens when you take a bottle of Sun-In and a hair dryer. It was definitely a shock, and definitely not what I asked for. I decided that I'd play along though and see if it grew on me - judging from the comments I got at work today asking how long I'd spent in a pool full of chlorine, the general concensus is that no, it hasn't grown on me. However, when it's down and straightened it's not too bad, it's just very bright when pulled back into a work-approved style.
In my wisdom, I decided that part of the reason the hair color looked so shocking was because of how pale I was, which obviously necessitated a trip to the fake and bake. I only went for 10 minutes, but the brand new bulbs in the tanning bed left me resembling a lobster. Of course, I choose to blame the girl who colored my hair. She gave me the suburn, or at least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Shitty News for My Mom
Breast cancer. It's official, my mom received her results yesterday that not only does she have breast cancer, but she has the dubious honor of having two different types at the same time. It's always wonderful when the doctor's say "oh this is unique." After all, that's what they told my uncle, and he died 4.5 years ago from cancer.
Of course, then there was the phone conversation about her courses of action, and I'm not quite sure how one goes about telling one's mother that you think she's looking at things oddly. Of course I have less of an emotional attachment to her bosoms than she does, but I'd say lop 'em off, and why worry about reconstructive surgery at her age, it might be nice to be flat chested for the rest of your life. Besides, it'd be a quick and easy way to lose a few pounds of fat. A bit irreverant of me to be so flippant, but hey, it makes dealing with the situation easier. And I can live with sounding somewhat bitchy if it lets her think of some alternate perspectives.
Of course, this now means that my likely medical future has shifted, because now I'm in the higher risk category since there's a family history. Probably selfish to think in those terms, but again, I'd rather deal with the realities of things than sugar coat them. I said something to the effect that now I have potential time bombs on my chest, but she didn't find it nearly as humorous as I did.
I'm just thankful that our deployment got pushed back from June until September, because it's a little easier to be here and offer the support I can from New York instead of somewhere in Iraq. I guess things really do happen for a reason, I just wish in this case that it weren't for a shitty thing like having to deal with my mom having cancer. It would have been much better if the reason were that I'm meant to win the lottery in July or something.
Of course, then there was the phone conversation about her courses of action, and I'm not quite sure how one goes about telling one's mother that you think she's looking at things oddly. Of course I have less of an emotional attachment to her bosoms than she does, but I'd say lop 'em off, and why worry about reconstructive surgery at her age, it might be nice to be flat chested for the rest of your life. Besides, it'd be a quick and easy way to lose a few pounds of fat. A bit irreverant of me to be so flippant, but hey, it makes dealing with the situation easier. And I can live with sounding somewhat bitchy if it lets her think of some alternate perspectives.
Of course, this now means that my likely medical future has shifted, because now I'm in the higher risk category since there's a family history. Probably selfish to think in those terms, but again, I'd rather deal with the realities of things than sugar coat them. I said something to the effect that now I have potential time bombs on my chest, but she didn't find it nearly as humorous as I did.
I'm just thankful that our deployment got pushed back from June until September, because it's a little easier to be here and offer the support I can from New York instead of somewhere in Iraq. I guess things really do happen for a reason, I just wish in this case that it weren't for a shitty thing like having to deal with my mom having cancer. It would have been much better if the reason were that I'm meant to win the lottery in July or something.
Monday, May 14, 2007
#2 for the Family
My little sister is headed to Afghanistan. It's strange. Been there, done that, and will be heading back over (well to Iraq, but still), and didn't really think too much about it. It's a lot stranger being on the family side of things. She called today to say she'd been delayed a day or two or three, and I felt relieved. And then I felt bad, because I know how frustrating it is when you want to just go and get it over with already.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Outta here for the next three weeks
We leave for JRTC today. I am so excited I can hardly wait. Oh wait, rewind, eliminate all sarcasm, and I am really really not looking forward to going. I kept hoping up until the very last minute (ie today), that this was going to be cancelled. I guess it's not. Ok, so hopefully I won't be too embittered when I return in 3 weeks. How bad can 3 weeks be, right? Hopefully, not too bad.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Delaying JRTC Packing
I hate packing. That has been confirmed many many times over the course of my life. And so, here it is Saturday morning and I'm supposed to be leaving for JRTC on Wednesday or Thursday and I haven't even begun to pack. My Soldiers had to pack by last week because we did a layout and inspected to make sure that they had everything. I suppose the benefit to being leadership is that I didn't have to have my own stuff inspected, but that means that I've also not even started to do anything about it, although I guess I did at least finally spray paint my duffle with my new unit.
I think in my delusions, I've decided that if I wait until the last minute to complete packing, I don't have to accept that I'm going. I'm not looking forward to it.
I think in my delusions, I've decided that if I wait until the last minute to complete packing, I don't have to accept that I'm going. I'm not looking forward to it.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Thankful for Problems
It's been a frustrating week. I've wanted to scream, to throw a tantrum, to quit and walk out. And then I went to the eulogy pages for the 8 classmates we've lost in Iraq, and I'm reminded just how thankful I am for the problems and frustrations I've been dealing with because I'm still here.
I think it's a cathartic experience to read the emotional tributes. I'm moved every time I read through the tributes. And I'm struck by how it always seems to be the exceptional ones we've lost. Through the tears, I remember how the laughs shared with a good friend can make the darker times instantly brighter. How friends turn those downer moments into cherished memories. And so, in a backwards sort of logic, I'm grateful for the problems that life has thrown, and continues to throw at me. For it's in these times that I realize just how lucky I am with the friends I've been blessed with.
I think it's a cathartic experience to read the emotional tributes. I'm moved every time I read through the tributes. And I'm struck by how it always seems to be the exceptional ones we've lost. Through the tears, I remember how the laughs shared with a good friend can make the darker times instantly brighter. How friends turn those downer moments into cherished memories. And so, in a backwards sort of logic, I'm grateful for the problems that life has thrown, and continues to throw at me. For it's in these times that I realize just how lucky I am with the friends I've been blessed with.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Promotion Party Shenanigans
So no shit, there I was, Friday night, asleep by 7:30 pm because it was a super long week with entirely many too hours spent out at the FUSA range (if I ever hear the word FUSA again, I swear I'll kill someone.) At 9 my phone rings and it's one of my Soldiers sounding rather tipsy, reminding me that there was a promotion party for the guy who had my platoon before I did. I wasn't going to go, but by this point I was wide awake (there was also another comment that was instrumental in my actually going, but I won't get in to that). So I found myself driving out to the Rusted Route for the promotion party.
Let's just say everyone had had a few drinks, and had a few drinks more after I got there. The party apparently rang up a $700 tab for the guy who got promoted. and when we finally left the bar around 1 in the morning, I found myself being the DD for 3 drunk NCOs. I was going to take them on post and drop them off, but we got side tracked and ended up at Denny's instead. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. After we ordered, we somehow managed to invite the CO, who was driving other drunk people home, to agree to meet us there. Well, the Denny's experience turned into almost 2 hours of people watching. And boy, there were some funny people to watch, I have never seen such a ridiculous display of bad fashion and drunken behavior. Still, it was highly entertaining, and I think I may very well find myself back at Denny's at some point in the future, if only for the therapeutic value that I now feel much, much better about myself. At least I wasn't one of the crazies out there ;-)
Well after leaving Denny's I had to drive two of the NCOs on post. The one who lived in Carthage ended up getting a ride home from the CO, and I got the two on post since I live close. Well, I pulled up to the gate around 3 am, and the guy decided that since he could smell alcohol in the car that he wanted me to get out and bring all my license, registration and whatnot. And naturally, the insurance card I had in the car was good through 2 Mar, and it was now 3 Mar 0300, so it was expired by 3 hours. He got real picky about that, as I tried to explain that I just hadn't printed out the updated card. I finally managed to diffuse the situation by striking up a conversation with the MP soldiers who were working the road by working it into the conversation that I was an MP also, and then at that point the guy stopped giving me a hard time. I was afraid I was going to have to call my CO to come pick all of us up, even though there was no way I was intoxicated. And then of course there was the conversation with one of my SLs before I dropped him off, and realizing that the relative lack of officers in the company, and especially female officers makes us the object of much speculation about our personal lives. Guess it just gives me even more incentive to live a sort of boring life because it gives them nothing to talk about.
Let's just say everyone had had a few drinks, and had a few drinks more after I got there. The party apparently rang up a $700 tab for the guy who got promoted. and when we finally left the bar around 1 in the morning, I found myself being the DD for 3 drunk NCOs. I was going to take them on post and drop them off, but we got side tracked and ended up at Denny's instead. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. After we ordered, we somehow managed to invite the CO, who was driving other drunk people home, to agree to meet us there. Well, the Denny's experience turned into almost 2 hours of people watching. And boy, there were some funny people to watch, I have never seen such a ridiculous display of bad fashion and drunken behavior. Still, it was highly entertaining, and I think I may very well find myself back at Denny's at some point in the future, if only for the therapeutic value that I now feel much, much better about myself. At least I wasn't one of the crazies out there ;-)
Well after leaving Denny's I had to drive two of the NCOs on post. The one who lived in Carthage ended up getting a ride home from the CO, and I got the two on post since I live close. Well, I pulled up to the gate around 3 am, and the guy decided that since he could smell alcohol in the car that he wanted me to get out and bring all my license, registration and whatnot. And naturally, the insurance card I had in the car was good through 2 Mar, and it was now 3 Mar 0300, so it was expired by 3 hours. He got real picky about that, as I tried to explain that I just hadn't printed out the updated card. I finally managed to diffuse the situation by striking up a conversation with the MP soldiers who were working the road by working it into the conversation that I was an MP also, and then at that point the guy stopped giving me a hard time. I was afraid I was going to have to call my CO to come pick all of us up, even though there was no way I was intoxicated. And then of course there was the conversation with one of my SLs before I dropped him off, and realizing that the relative lack of officers in the company, and especially female officers makes us the object of much speculation about our personal lives. Guess it just gives me even more incentive to live a sort of boring life because it gives them nothing to talk about.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe
News flash, I'm in Germany visiting my sister for a week. Had to put that in there so the rest of this particular entry makes sense.
I spent Wednesday and Thursday in Berlin by myself since my sister had to deal with a slight inconvenience better known as work. Not one to just sit around here in her BOQ room, I decided that Berlin sounded interesting. In short, it was, but the last 40 minutes I spent in the city were some of the most impactful (is that even a word?), and I feel compelled to write about them.
The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe is 2711 concrete stelae layed out in an area over 19,000 square meters. From what I'd heard about it on the news when it was completed, there were definitely mixed feelings from Berliners, Germans in general and other populations. It's a very abstract memorial, and it doesn't seem to make much sense. However, the 40 minutes I spent wandering amongst the stelae (some of which top 4 meters/13ish feet), I can say that the memorial is incredibly profound.
To begin, you walk into the field of stelae, and at first they're flat or very small, and the next thing you know, they're over your head. To me, it struck a chord with how evil (in this case the Nazis) can come from nowhere, and yet suddenly engulf a country and lead to overwhelming evil and their plan for genocide. Reaching the middle of the field, all of the stelae tower over your head, and if you are at one of the dips in the ground, it seems impossible to imagine a way out of the field. I felt a sense of panic even though I knew that I was only a short distance from the busy streets of Berlin. The memorial was all around me, and owing to the gray rainy weather, there was an almost complete lack of other tourists, and I felt small, alone and insignificant. The rain misting over the blocks contributed to the melancholic air, as it seemed that all 2,711 stelae were weeping over the lives and potential lost to the devastation.
Inside the field, there are even regimented corridors, it reminded me of something very military, except that the ground undulates and you can't see around corners. At any point another tourist could round the corner or run into you at a crossroads, it became a significant event just to move through the rows. Much as life in general became a significant event for the oppressed Jews who were unable to cross a street without facing persecution and uncertainty. And yet, there were also small children running laughing and playing through the dark rows, representing joy and hope. I almost laughed out loud because the feeling of oppression from the center of the memorial was lifted by something so innocent.
I don't know whether the emotions I experienced today were the ones intended by the artist who designed the memorial. I do know however, that the meorial was incredibly effective at conveying the utter depravity of the genocide waged against the Jews of Europe. I've been to the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC, and that always has struck me as a profoundly moving experience, yet the painful anonymity of all the victims, not even represented by names within the memorial, was far more moving than what I expected. It was definitely a memorial that has to be felt. You become as much a part of the memorial as the actual blocks of concrete.
I am glad I visited the memorial. It reminded me that while trying to defeat evil is exacting a price on those I care about, that the price of evil unchecked has the potential to be even worse. It is why I do not envy those who must make the decisions on when to act. The daily events portrayed by the media, and the ultimate sacrifice of our brothers and sisters in arms, as well as the innocent civilians, is an example of the price of action. Whether that action is merited, I'll leave alone in this forum. However, the memorial I experienced today was a very heart-rending reminder that evil that is allowed to run rampant is a truly horrifying possibility.
Fittingly, the memorial is neither black nor white, but shades of gray...
I spent Wednesday and Thursday in Berlin by myself since my sister had to deal with a slight inconvenience better known as work. Not one to just sit around here in her BOQ room, I decided that Berlin sounded interesting. In short, it was, but the last 40 minutes I spent in the city were some of the most impactful (is that even a word?), and I feel compelled to write about them.
The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe is 2711 concrete stelae layed out in an area over 19,000 square meters. From what I'd heard about it on the news when it was completed, there were definitely mixed feelings from Berliners, Germans in general and other populations. It's a very abstract memorial, and it doesn't seem to make much sense. However, the 40 minutes I spent wandering amongst the stelae (some of which top 4 meters/13ish feet), I can say that the memorial is incredibly profound.
To begin, you walk into the field of stelae, and at first they're flat or very small, and the next thing you know, they're over your head. To me, it struck a chord with how evil (in this case the Nazis) can come from nowhere, and yet suddenly engulf a country and lead to overwhelming evil and their plan for genocide. Reaching the middle of the field, all of the stelae tower over your head, and if you are at one of the dips in the ground, it seems impossible to imagine a way out of the field. I felt a sense of panic even though I knew that I was only a short distance from the busy streets of Berlin. The memorial was all around me, and owing to the gray rainy weather, there was an almost complete lack of other tourists, and I felt small, alone and insignificant. The rain misting over the blocks contributed to the melancholic air, as it seemed that all 2,711 stelae were weeping over the lives and potential lost to the devastation.
Inside the field, there are even regimented corridors, it reminded me of something very military, except that the ground undulates and you can't see around corners. At any point another tourist could round the corner or run into you at a crossroads, it became a significant event just to move through the rows. Much as life in general became a significant event for the oppressed Jews who were unable to cross a street without facing persecution and uncertainty. And yet, there were also small children running laughing and playing through the dark rows, representing joy and hope. I almost laughed out loud because the feeling of oppression from the center of the memorial was lifted by something so innocent.
I don't know whether the emotions I experienced today were the ones intended by the artist who designed the memorial. I do know however, that the meorial was incredibly effective at conveying the utter depravity of the genocide waged against the Jews of Europe. I've been to the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC, and that always has struck me as a profoundly moving experience, yet the painful anonymity of all the victims, not even represented by names within the memorial, was far more moving than what I expected. It was definitely a memorial that has to be felt. You become as much a part of the memorial as the actual blocks of concrete.
I am glad I visited the memorial. It reminded me that while trying to defeat evil is exacting a price on those I care about, that the price of evil unchecked has the potential to be even worse. It is why I do not envy those who must make the decisions on when to act. The daily events portrayed by the media, and the ultimate sacrifice of our brothers and sisters in arms, as well as the innocent civilians, is an example of the price of action. Whether that action is merited, I'll leave alone in this forum. However, the memorial I experienced today was a very heart-rending reminder that evil that is allowed to run rampant is a truly horrifying possibility.
Fittingly, the memorial is neither black nor white, but shades of gray...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
It's New Year Resolution time
Hmmm, so as the first of the year has come and gone, I suppose that now is the time of year when I'm supposed to be thinking about making resolutions - those pesky things that you try and stick with and usually have forgotten about by the time February rolls around. I don't even think I bothered to make any last year. However, 2007 seems like a year in which I'll give them a try again. I suppose maybe its because I turn 25 this year, which sounds scarily on the way to really being a bona-fide grown-up, and because our class should pin CPT this year. So, here's my top 3:
Resolution #1 - Learn to cook. The microwave is no longer cutting it. I got a brand new cookbook from my mom for Christmas, so I should be on my way. Of course, this means I need to stop buying microwave meals.
Resolution #2 - Improve my fitness. Learn to feel a bit more comfortable in the weight room. I know I felt a lot better when I was in Afghanistan and hitting the gym with the LTC I worked for. Besides, I liked the way I looked better, and Ashley's recent weight loss has left me feeling like the odd one out. I've been thinner than her for a long time, I'm not sure that I like that relationship reversed.
Resolution #3 - Be a better friend. I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. So I'm going to do a better job trying to remember to email/write/phone/etc.
Resolution #1 - Learn to cook. The microwave is no longer cutting it. I got a brand new cookbook from my mom for Christmas, so I should be on my way. Of course, this means I need to stop buying microwave meals.
Resolution #2 - Improve my fitness. Learn to feel a bit more comfortable in the weight room. I know I felt a lot better when I was in Afghanistan and hitting the gym with the LTC I worked for. Besides, I liked the way I looked better, and Ashley's recent weight loss has left me feeling like the odd one out. I've been thinner than her for a long time, I'm not sure that I like that relationship reversed.
Resolution #3 - Be a better friend. I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. So I'm going to do a better job trying to remember to email/write/phone/etc.
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